Iowa Tourist & San Diego Pet Store

An Iowa tourist walked into a San Diego pet store and was looking at the animals on display. While he was there, a business manager of a large law firm walked in and said to the shopkeeper, “I’ll take a file clerk monkey, please.”

The man nodded, went to a cage at the side of the store and took out a
monkey. He put a collar and leash on the animal and handed it the manager, saying, “That’ll be $5,000.”

The manager paid and left with the monkey.  Surprised, the Iowa tourist went to the shopkeeper and said, “That was a very expensive monkey. Most of them are only a few hundred dollars. Why did that one cost so much?”

The shopkeeper answered, “Ah, that was a file clerk monkey. He can file paperwork in perfect alphabetical sequence, retrieve any paper from any file, and keep the file room in perfect order, all 30% faster than any human file clerk with no back talk, vacations or sexual harassment concerns. It’s well worth the money.”

The tourist spotted a monkey in another cage with an even higher price tag. “That one’s $10,000! What does it do?”

“Oh, that one is an Office Supervisor monkey! It can arrange schedules, distribute workloads, and prepare final legal briefs, and can answer basic legal questions on the phone.  It will also prepare billing sheets, follow all client payment histories, and works weekends for no extra money. A very useful monkey indeed,” replied the shopkeeper.

The tourist looked around a little longer and found a third monkey in a cage. The price tag read, “$100,000.” The shocked tourist exclaimed, “That one costs more than all the others put together! What in the world could it do?”

“Well, I’ve never actually seen him do anything but drink beer, play with his dick, and take naps but his papers say he’s a lawyer!”